GARY - Following a string of violent tornadoes throughout the Midwest this week, Mayor of Gary, Indiana Karen Freeman-Wilson has been forced to deny unconfirmed reports that the city was one of those ravaged.
"This was just the result of years and years of status quo
politics and zero ambition; of a damaged society and high
crime levels; and of abject poverty."
- Mayor Freeman-Wilson.
"While our sympathies go out to those affected in the towns of Memphis and Henryville, we here in Gary are located hundreds of miles north of where yesterday's devastation struck."
"What you see here is just... well, it's just Gary."
Reporters were quick on the scene after rumors on the social networking site Twitter suggested that the city had been "crippled by multiple tornadoes."
"From the air the city of Gary looks like something out of a disaster movie," said Fox 59 reporter Gillian Spencer. "There are no words to describe the carnage on the ground. Heartbreaking scenes."
However, according to Mayor Freeman-Wilson, the sight of upturned trees, half destroyed buildings and widespread debris is just "perfectly normal" in the north-western city.
"Trust me, this was not a tornado," she said, surveying Gary's downtown area. "This was just the result of years and years of status quo politics and zero ambition; of a damaged society and high crime levels; and of abject poverty."
"At least the confusion has finally earned us some recognition from the media," she concluded. "Because you guys don't usually want to know."
Meanwhile, a production team from CNN retreated from Gary Friday night after word got around that the widely impoverished city had in no way come into contact with a "large, horrible and news-worthy tornado."